Another year older, and another year wiser. That's what I'd like to think anyways. Last year was challenging. It was a year of love, it was a year of fear, it was a year of forgetting, and a year of growing, honestly. I grew so much last year and even though the year went by quicker than I could ever imagine, I could just select specific days to recap, I definitely could. It's good for me, because I tend to forget everything, but it means it was memorable. It for sure was a memorable year. It all began the night of my birthday. I went to the club with Bryan. That was the night we 'officially' started to 'date' - Katie was there, Mocha, Krista and Ketia.. I mean, it was a good night. I had so much fun. Now, ok, That night I don't remember everything about, but it was for sure a good night. The pictures show it! I guess that's all that matters right? We had fun. Another memorable moment after my birthday would be me and Bryan going to Florida. It was kind of a situation where I had 'closure' - Everything that happened, I didn't give my self a chance to think about it, I didn't let myself. I didn't want to be upset, or think about the past. I just wanted to let it go. That's what I did. I let it go. Or so I had thought. Then I had the chance to go back, and outside of the vacation itself, I got to go there, where I hid all my burdens and hard feelings. I got to go and just embrace the moment. Realize everything really does happen for a reason. When you get out of certain things, and you get to go back to that situation so much stronger. Thats exactly what I did. I went back to the situation that I wasn't proud of, and wasn't ok with, and I was 10x stronger than I had ever been, and with somebody that I love more than life. It was a huge accomplishment for me to let everything go, and just have a good time. I also got to go to Atlanta and everybody knows I'm THE biggest TLC fan ever. (Self proclaimed) however T and C will both tell you that its true! I got to go to Lisa's grave, even though there are certain things that I would have done different at Lisa's grave. I wish I just had alone time. I know it sounds weird but, Ashley was with me, and Bryan was with me, so I didn't really get a chance to just express how I had felt and you know, get my emotion out. I wrote my name in the dust on the side of the memorial. I felt disgusted by doing that. Writing MY name, on her grave? When I go back, I'll for sure have that opportunity to make it better, so I'm not too worried. It meant a lot to me. Knowing Bryan isn't all onto that business and all that, he for sure understood. He may not love it, but you know he was there with me. We also got to have dinner with Tionne, It was amazing. We had dinner, and I had such a good time. She definitely blessed me that night. I wont get into details but, I heard so much that night Hmm, what else. I got fired from my job. Not proud of it, and its something that I am still not positive was what should have happened, but I honestly loved it there. As much as I complained, the people I met there became my second family. Who knows, maybe I'll end up going back. My mom and I became much stronger. We grew very close. We still had ups and downs, but thats a normal situation. I spend a lot of time with Shaina Jen and Chandra. That felt amazing, we created the quad pod, and it was never a dull moment. We had fun doing absolutely nothing. We for sure grew closer. My family is the only back brace I guess you could say, when things were crazy, or not going as I had hoped. My family is always there, and I love them very much. I also realized that in order to love again, you have to let love go. That is something I'm bringing into this year. I really put my mind and heart and soul into it. I have to let that go. I'm not in love with that person, I think its the bad memories that I hold. I realize what I have now, and its much greater, its way more self rewarding than anything that any other person could bring me. It's a learning process, I'm getting married. Thats definitely something that is in process. I'm about to get married, and with so many things to think about. Things you need to have straight within yourself, before you're able to get everything else on point. There is a lot of learning to be done in this year. There is a lot of growing, and I'm honestly going forward each day with a positive attitude. I've realized that your worst fears, if you think and worry about them enough, they start to manifest in to reality. If your fears after time become reality, let those go, and let your dreams and aspirations become reality. I'm living proof every single day I say this to myself, anything you set your mind to can be accomplished. If you put enough emotion, time, blood, sweat and tears into something, you can have it. It's everything that you've ever wished for and dreamed in the palm of your hand. Just unfold the pieces and pave the road and make them happen. Being that I've always been the one to have a dream and always focused on what I want, I can only reflect on the time when I was 7 or 8, watching "Crazy Video Cool" and I remember sitting there, and at that point in time, I was sitting in my living room, on the floor, saying "One day, they will know who I am" and I always use this as my example when I say everything you dream can be accomplished because I mean, I dreamed it. I dreamed that it would happen, and it did. I'm working on a project with Tionne that is something I believe in very strongly. If anyone knows me knows I don't just donate graphics, or just do something for free. I mean, I'm endorsing my company (NhP2Media) because I believe in it. I believe in A Mothers Heart. I'm going to donate my time and energy into something I support. I get to live through someone else, and actually get my dreams out there. I'm helping people who are graphic designers, who admire something or someone, and put their mind into it, and have enough creative energy to reach that person, or group of people. I wanted that so bad, and I'm working with them. Though I may have only designed the logo and website, I feel like by me doing that, I'm extending a part of myself into that organization and what it stands for. So many kids are ill. To me, little kids are my weak spot. They can be the worst behaving kids, and its something about that raw energy and innocence that I admire so much. I remember growing up so quick. Everyone around me, my parents, family, everyone said I was growing up too fast. They wanted me to live for the moment. I didn't have a chance to. I was always looking to be one year older, or hang out with the older people. I wanted to experience what life was about. Here I am, another year older and I'm wishing I could go back to that time. There is nothing about my childhood I would take back however. That organization is for children and mothers (and fathers) who have children that are ill, its about spreading awareness for the story. Showing love to the families who have fought and never gave up. Showing light on the fact that, with enough hope and energy and support, you too can accomplish and get through anything. I believe that as little as it is, or as big as I make it, can be my way of thanking everyone in my life by helping others. I thank everyone who believed in me, and supported me, and I also thank Tionne for allowing me to get my work and emotions out there. So, with that being said this year is going to be the year where I unfold and pave the way for my future. It's just the beginning, and I'm so excited for the journey.
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